The Myth Of The Knight In Shining Armor
Photo by tinou bao
Many women hold onto this romantic notion that one day a man will come riding over the horizon atop a great white stallion and save them from whatever problems they may face in life. That’s the attitude some men have as well. “She’s my fragile little flower. She won’t succeed in life without my protection and guidance.”
I once dated this crazy woman that came from an abusive home. Although she was gorgeous on the outside, inside she was just an empty shell of a person. She was depressed, moody, and extremely irrational at times. I kept thinking that I could save her. I thought that if I gave her enough love and attention I could somehow fill the dark void inside of her.
What actually happened is that she would drag me down to her level. We’d argue about ridiculous non-issues constantly. She would vent about how life sucks, people suck, and how she’d be better off dead. It was emotionally draining just being around her. She was like an emotional sponge. It was a horribly dysfunctional relationship full of unnecessary drama.
Asking For A Date
Photo by Made Underground
Whether a date’s spontaneous or planned, the first or the last date, or you’re young or old, sooner or later, going out with someone comes to this: Somebody has to ask for the date.
No matter how much or how little you plan (and regardless of your reputation, your Aunt Sylvia, the knot in your stomach, the advice of your friends, your New Year’s resolution, or your success with dating or lack thereof) nobody, with the possible exception of Adam, ever made a date without asking for it. I bet that even with God as the go-between, sooner or later Eve expected Adam to pony up and find the courage to ask if they could take a walk in Paradise, and if he didn’t, well, it explains a lot about the snake, don’t you think?
Face it, the only thing scarier than the first date is asking for the first date. But if you can remember that you’re not looking for a cure for cancer, that you won’t die even if he or she says “yes,” and that life as we know it will continue no matter what your potential date’s response, you may relax enough to actually (gulp) ask for a date.
Gazillions of perfectly normal (and lots of less than normal) people have all gotten nervous about asking for a date. You and I and everybody else are connected to a long line of sweating, nervous, stuttering, tongue-tied souls, and even the slick ones feel anxious on the inside about asking for a date. Do you feel better? No? Well, I was afraid of that. Never fear – in this chapter, I tell you some things that should comfort you in the asking, help you in the consummation, and protect you from any possible devastation beyond a teensy pinch on the ego.
The Simple Guide to Orgasm – Four Easy Steps!
Photo by Gabu-chan
Article by William Logan
Are you ready to bring your girl to orgasm with these four simple steps? Read on and follow along…
- Get Prepared:Women need to feel comfortable in their surroundings in order to relax and make it even POSSIBLE to ‘get in the mood’. Start things off by creating an environment that will let her unwind and relax. Think wine, candles, soothing music…
- Get Things Started and Give Her a Massage:As she eases into her comfort, give her a massage. Rubbing her feet typically works best, but her neck and back work almost as well. Don’t be shy; the more relaxed she is the better.
- Turn things up and Finding the G-Spot:You have to remember, TAKE YOUR TIME! You want to go at HER pace. Once she’s warmed up, she will be begging you to continue. Once it’s all clear, insert your middle finger in her (wet by now!) vagina about 1-3 inches and make the ‘come here’ motion. Try up and down as well as side to side movements – watch how she reacts so you’ll know where the ‘spot‘ is…
- Stimulating the G-Spot and then Cooling Down:Once you have found her sweet spot, again TAKE YOUR TIME. You’ll feel the spongy spot start to swell if you are on target. This is the time that you need to pay attention to her the most. Read her body language; her breathing, panting and moaning. If you are doing something right, don’t you DARE stop!
Do not be disappointed if she does not have an orgasm from G-Spot stimulation alone. Definitely massage her clitoris with your other hand or tongue and see what she likes. Don’t put pressure on her in any way. At the very least, all of this will feel GREAT and you will learn what it takes to make her turn her on.
Too busy for sex?
Image via Wikipedia
BBC - too busy for sex?
With all the demands of modern life many couples can find it hard to schedule in time to have sex. To nurture this vital part of your relationship, says psychosexual therapist Paula Hall, you need to dispense with a few bedroom myths and make time to make love.
Sex in the early days
When you meet someone and fall in love, your whole life revolves around getting to know them better, particularly their body. After a while, however, you realise love won’t pay the bills and you settle down to ‘normal’ life.
This is generally when sex becomes something you do at night in bed – preferably before you fall asleep. But, after a hard day’s graft, sometimes there just isn’t enough energy left.
Quality not quantity
At this stage, quality becomes more important than quantity. When you’re having sex as often as you like, it doesn’t really matter if you have the odd unsatisfactory encounter. But if you’re only managing it once a week – if you’re lucky – you need make the most of it. Which means making sure you’re not hanging on to any unrealistic expectations.
Sex and spontaneity
It’s a myth that sex is better when it’s spontaneous. That holiday you’ve been looking forward to for the past six months – would it have been more enjoyable without any planning? Not necessarily. In fact, on the contrary, it might have been a disaster. Although a surprise sex session can be fantastic, planning builds anticipation. And anticipation builds arousal.
If you have kids or you work long hours, you’ll probably need to schedule in time for sex. This means you can make sure you feel your sexiest by planning what to wear and taking a relaxing bath or shower. You can also spend days teasing each other with what you’ve got planned for when the time comes.
Taking turns
Another myth is that sex should be entirely mutual at all times. Apparently, you should caress one another at exactly the same moment, fuelling passion in perfect synch. But that’s a bit like patting your head and rubbing your stomach. Yes, it’s possible, but it means you can’t concentrate properly on either activity. How can you focus your attention fully on giving pleasure at the same time as luxuriating in the sensation of being touched? It’s not possible. Someone will miss out.
So take it in turns. Enjoy the look on your partner’s face as you build them into a frenzy of sexual excitement. Then relax and enjoy when it’s your turn. Mutual sex is great for a quick one. But if you have to plan the time together, use it to the full.
Start talking
Some people believe good sex should be instinctive. If you really love your partner, they say, and if you’re really in tune with them, you’ll know exactly how they like to be touched. Your bodies will writhe in mutual passion without a word being uttered.
For some reason, sex is the one arena where we expect our partners to read our minds. Rather than simply saying a word or two about what we like or don’t, we go to extraordinary lengths to give encouragement by groaning and moaning at exactly the right moment. The opportunity for miscommunication with this method is huge.
Rather than gambling with your sexual satisfaction, start talking. You’ll find it builds far more intimacy than a silent romantic failure. And it’s not just in the midst of an ecstactic encounter that it’s good to talk. Next time you realise you haven’t had sex for weeks, get your diaries out and make a date. And as the date gets nearer, talk about what you’re going to do to each other and how you’re going to make sure it’s a night (or day) to remember. For more ideas see Make a date
Tips for talking
* Whoever is doing the touching should do most of the talking
* Next time you’re caressing your partner, ask for feedback. Would they like it harder or softer? Longer or shorter strokes? Up a bit or down a bit?
Reasons to make time for sex
Still not convinced it’s worth pencilling in a bedroom session? Research shows that regular sex can make you feel and look healthier. When you make love, your body releases substances in the brain that reduce stress and anxiety. It also produces chemicals that create stronger feelings of affection between couples; stimulates growth hormones that reduce fatty tissue and increase lean muscle; and burns off more than 100 calories per hour.
How to improve your relationship??
Net Doctor – Written by Dr Christine Webber, psychotherapist and lifecoach
Do you have problems in your relationship?
When things are not going well in a sexual and romantic relationship, it can really help if both partners try to understand why. If you are in a relationship that’s in trouble, ask yourself the following questions.
* What do you each want out of the relationship? Are you getting it?
* Are you about to leave your partner? Or do you still enjoy your life together?
* Are you ready to sacrifice time and energy to make your relationship work again?
* Do you still love each other?
Your answers to these questions will help you pinpoint the extent of the problem and your expectations for change.
While every couple is different, below are some common causes of relationship difficulties and ways to tackle. However, it’s unlikely things will improve if both partners aren’t prepared to work through the issues.
Read the rest of this entry »
Giving her good head
The site – The days of one-sided lovin’ are over. With TheSite’s secrets to giving and receiving great head, you can both enjoy it when they ‘go down’.
For her:
* Relax
If you spend lots of time giving him oral sex, it’s only fair that he should do something pleasant for you too. It’s your turn to be spoiled, so just relax and enjoy it.
* Keep it clean
By clean, we mean having a daily shower and using unperfumed mild soap. A healthy vagina has a natural mild musky smell, but don’t let pathetic playground stories upset you. It doesn’t smell like rotting fish down there, so don’t feel self-conscious.
* Play fair
If you want your man to go down on you, just ask him to. If you feel a bit shy, try getting into bed upside down – he’ll probably get the message. If he really isn’t in the mood, or the idea upsets him, just respect his decision and don’t try to force the issue. There is nothing wrong with having oral sex during a period, but a lot of men really don’t like doing it at that time of the month.
* Communicate
Let him know how much you like what he’s doing. If he hasn’t quite got the hang of it, gently suggest a different way of doing things, and be sure to tell him when he’s getting it right.
For you:
* Easy tiger
Don’t just go barging in down there. Take your time, and make sure you are both feeling turned on before you venture south. If you aren’t used to giving head, don’t expect to bring her to a climax in seconds flat. And if you have bad stubble on your chin, forget it; no girl wants razor burns in such a sensitive place.
* Ask what she likes
You don’t necessarily have to go down on her for several hours – just a few minutes of oral sex can do wonders for your foreplay. Ask her what feels good and if there’s anything that would make it better. Make sure you are both in a comfortable position, or you’ll end up with an unsexy crick in your neck.
* No magic formulas
Every female is different. There is no point in rigidly following those ‘Ten Easy Steps to Give Her an Oral Orgasm’ articles in lads’ mags. It isn’t like an exam, with right and wrong answers. Sometimes you have to experiment to see what works for both of you.
* Start gently
Many women say that oral sex gives them more stimulation than penetration. So remember to take it easy and avoid being rough, especially to begin with. Look where you are going too. Gently part the outer lips of the vagina and look for the vaginal opening, and the hooded clitoris above it. These are the most pleasurable areas to stimulate, and are the key to giving the best head. Thrusting a tongue in and out of the vagina might feel good for a moment or two, but it won’t be enough to tip her over the edge.
* Work it
Try kissing and licking anywhere between her thighs to turn her on. Move on to the clitoris, starting with gentle licking or sucking. Get her to tell you what motion feels the best, what speed and what pressure turn her on the most. Try it with a relaxed, soft tongue, and change to a firmer, pointed tongue. Some women love an up-and-down licking motion, others like it to go from side to side (like a windscreen wiper), and others still like a circular or pressing-down motion.
* Patience, patience
When you have found something that works well, keep on doing it! Take a break if you need one, but avoid stopping suddenly because it can be very frustrating for the woman. Ask if she wants you to use your fingers as well. If she says ‘yes’, make sure they are wet before you start moving them around on her clit or inside her.
* Practice makes perfect
Even if you are both very experienced lovers, it can take a long time to bring the woman to orgasm, so don’t stress out, and keep practicing if that’s what you’re aiming for. It’s worth the effort, and she will most likely be happy to return the favour.
Giving him good head
The Site – What’s the secret to giving and receiving great head? Here’s what you can do for the man in your life, making sure it’s good for you both.
For him:
* Keep it clean
Anyone who’s gone down on an uncircumcised penis will tell you that there’s nothing worse in this world than an unwashed dick. Smegma bacillus, or knob cheese, is a waxy white deposit naturally secreted by the penis glands. Failure to wash underneath the foreskin can lead to smelly bacterial growth, not to mention serious problems securing a blow job. Keep it clean using unperfumed soap and water. Also be sure to dry the head thoroughly afterwards to prevent bacteria from thriving.
* Don’t force the issue
So you’re sharing an intimate moment. You’re both turned on like the National Grid, and sex is on the cards. So guys, don’t ruin the moment by placing your palm on the crown of her head and slowly pressing. If she feels comfortable going down there, she’ll venture south on her own accord. As so many women have told us, there’s nothing worse than a bloke who expects a blow job.
* Be fair
If your partner does feel comfortable with oral sex, then consider returning the gesture – male or female. The more you share, the more rewarding it’ll be for you both.
* Praise the performance
Tempting as it is to lie back with your eyes squeezed tightly shut, your partner will appreciate some recognition for their efforts. Be encouraging. Be respectful. Be the one who leaves them feeling as good as you.
* Leave them to call the shots
Just because your partner has consented to give you a blow job, don’t assume it means they want to go all the way. It may be a dream come true for you, but not if it leaves them gagging or nauseous. So talk it through with them, even if it is a running commentary. If you’re about to ejaculate then tell them, or at least signal that it’s about to happen. Always let your partner decide whether to stay down there for the main event.
For you:
* Blow his mind
If you’re happy to go down, don’t lose sight of what’s going on upstairs in his head. Frankly, you’re tugging at his brains down there, so you need to pick up on every moan or groan he gives. The better you understand each other, however, the more comfortable you’ll feel.
* Take control
Many people gag at the idea of going down on a dick. Even if it’s clean as a whistle, there’s always the fear he’ll forget himself, leaving you to deal with an out of control organ with no apparent off-switch. TheSite suggests you grip his penis head as you approach it, and hold it there in a ring formed by your thumb and forefinger. Once he’s in, feel free to place your hands around the penis shaft. This gives you control, allowing you to determine how much you want to take into your mouth.
* Use your mouth
What goes on when you’re down there is entirely up to you. Some women use their mouth as if it were a hoover. Others employ their tongue to great effect. Many do a combination of both. Just be aware that there is no industry standard. Do whatever feels comfortable, and gives you both the greatest satisfaction. Kissing. Nibbling. Even humming a note with his head in your mouth. Whatever you do, he won’t complain!
* Take a breather
Giving head is not an endurance test. You are doing it to him, and not the other way round, so if you want to come up for air then do so. If anything, it’ll give him time out to appreciate what you’re doing.
* Ball control
If the male penis is a motor, his balls are the gear shift. Gently cupping his testicles will widen the area of sexual pleasure for him, and can even intensify his orgasm.
* Ultimate control!
Even if he’s reached the moment of no return, never feel obliged to let him climax in your mouth. It’s your decision, and is entirely determined by how comfortable you feel with it. If you want to swallow, that’s fine. If you don’t, that’s fine too. If you’d rather take his penis out of your mouth then the same sentiment applies. Whether you choose to go down for a second or so, a minute or more, or all the way to the end, no blow job is ever incomplete. Nor is it a compulsory act, and he shouldn’t think any less of you if you choose to keep your head held high!
=== Oral sex ===
BBC – Common fears
Some people are reluctant to try oral sex, or even to suggest it, because they fear rejection. Disgust also plays a part, as lots of men and women are brought up to consider their genitals to be unsavoury.
Women might be convinced their partners will find their labia too big, too wrinkled or too hairy; men, that they’ll be laughed at for not being sufficiently big, upright or straight.
Both may be scared the other will object to the smell or the taste, and that they’ll feel vulnerable if they surrender themselves to being given pleasure by their partner.
But the truth is that many people would really like to offer to perform oral sex for their partner.
What makes oral sex so appealing?
The fact that this form of pleasure is still seen by some as forbidden, and even a bit dirty, adds excitement. When your partner chooses to be in such intimate contact, it’s like being told that, far from being unattractive, you’re good enough and special enough to eat. It can feel like the ultimate expression of acceptance.
There’s something irresistible about being treated in this way. Even though you can do it to each other at the same time, it’s usually a case of one person lying back and having all their desires and needs attended to.
The mouth, lips and tongue have a dynamite combination of flexibility and softness that can’t help but please. You can kiss, lick, suck or nibble. Some people prefer gentle movements; others prefer firmer attention. It’s up to you to discover your particular preferences together.
Talk about it
Discussing your concerns with your partner can really help. For example, if one person is happy to perform oral sex but refuses to receive it, the other might end up feeling guilty, because he’s unable to return the pleasure he experiences to his partner, as well as rejected and untrusted.
Of course, it could be that the first partner is afraid to let him see, taste, smell and touch her, and perhaps simply needs to hear in no uncertain terms, “I love your body. I’d give anything to taste you.”
Don’t cover up
If you’d like to try oral sex with your partner, it’s only courteous to make sure you’re clean first. But don’t forget that the natural taste and smell of your body may well be what attracts them the most, so don’t cover up with perfumes or deodorant.
Many people are turned on by the sight, taste and smell of their partner’s most intimate parts. If it’s a new partner, it’s advisable to use a condom or dental dam (thin latex that lines the mouth) to screen secretions and prevent infection.
If you feel embarrassed
Try it after a bath or shower. When you’re clean and fresh, you’ll feel more comfortable. Worried about the way you look? Dimming the lights and lighting candles can boost your confidence.
Names for oral sex
* Oral sex is often known as a soixante neuf or sixty-nine, because of the shape two bodies make when lying mouth-to-genitals.
* When one person performs oral sex on another, this is sometimes called a ’sixty-eight’ (“You do me and I’ll owe you one”).
* Stimulation of the vagina with the mouth is called cunnilingus; stimulation of the penis with the mouth is called fellatio.
What not to do
Although oral sex is known as a ‘blow job’, the one thing you should never do is blow into your partner’s body. You could cause an embolism (obstruction of an artery by an air bubble) or infection. But many people like their partner to blow gently on skin made damp by licking.
Masturbation management :)
The site – It won’t make you go blind, and actually, most people partake in the odd five knuckle shuffle from time to time.
What’s so shameful about wanking?
Masturbation is basically the act of stimulating the sexual organs for pleasure. It isn’t compulsory, nor is it a criminal offence (unless you’re doing it through your pockets in the dinner queue or something). Even so, a lot of people enjoy the pleasure to be had from masturbating – male and female, regardless of whether they’re in a relationship.
The trouble is very few people ever admit to cracking one off in private, and as a result a lot of guilt, anxiety, myth and misunderstanding surrounds the practice.
Masturbation myths
Along with the misplaced belief that you’ll go blind or mad, the most common and destructive misconception is that those who like to ‘dip their hand in the till’ will somehow be marked down as lesser human beings. That’s why it’s important not to lose sight of the fact that masturbating can be a healthy way to explore fantasies and/or release sexual tension – so long as nobody gets hurt and small animals aren’t maimed in the process. But in no way does it mean you’re unable to form a relationship (other than with your own hand). If anything, being open and relaxed about the whole issue just shows you’re switched on sexually and comfortable with what makes you tick.
Yeah, but I got caught
Uh-oh! Well, there are worse things that could’ve happened, not that we can think of any. Whatever the circumstances in which you were outed, your best bet is to hold your head up high (the one on your shoulders) and just take it on the chin. It won’t be easy, and you’re bound to get some flack, but if you can show it’s no big deal for you (and even laugh with them) people will soon move on. Most of all, remember that you’re not alone.
“Because I’m always scared of someone walking in on me, I tend to masturbate fully clothed (unless I’m in the shower),” reveals Sarah, 18. “So one day when I heard my sister knock on the door I quickly turned my vibrator off and pulled it out. I thought I was safe. Then the stupid thing turned itself back on (very sensitive on/off button) while she was talking to me. I was horrified.”
“Once my Grandad walked into the room when I was in my boxers,” says Marcus, 22. “Luckily I have a huge desk to hide under. We had a five-minute talk before he left, then finished up. The scary thing was that I managed to hide all the porn that was on my two big-ass monitors.”
“My Dad caught me as he fleetingly glanced through the bedroom window. He then proceeded to move on as if he hadn’t noticed and banged on the window,” recalls an embarrassed Matt, 20. “But he was cool – he came in later that night and reminded me about discretion and keeping the curtains drawn properly. He proceeded to join me in having a read of my porn mags. For an old man who’s 40 years older than me he can be awesomely cool.”
“My Dad walked in on me once while I was having a ‘hand crank’ and I was spurting as he came in. He did a quick U-turn and walked out,” says David, 17. “I could hardly look at him for months after that. The very first time I ever wanked (which should have been a wonderful, private voyage of personal discovery) my female cousin walked in. Needless to say, she made her excuses and left.”
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